The Fun at Work Café

How to Kill Workplace Boredom Without a Gun

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 Speechmaking Tips and Funny Speech Topics for Making Fun Speeches 

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It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
- Mark Twain

I know heaps of quotations, so I can always make quite a fair show of knowledge.
- O. Douglas
 

First Top-10 List of Funny Speech Topics

  1. How to Be a Failure Without Even Trying
  2. There Is Joy of Not Working When You Don't Want To
  3. It Was So Cold That I Almost Got Married 
  4. How to Be More Productive at Work by Taking More Naps 
  5. Why 90 Percent of Families are Dysfunctional and the Other 10 Percent Are Liars
  6. Why You Should Escape Corporate America for the Good of Society

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Second Top-10 List of Funny Speech Topics

  1. Instead of Hard Workin' for a Livin' Try Smart Workin' for a Livin'
  2. Fire Your Boss and Take Control of Your Destiny
  3. Fun Retirement Jobs That Will Help You to Live to Be 147  
  4. You Are Truly Unique - Just Like the Other 6.5 Billion People on This Planet 
  5. Ultimately Nothing Matters - And So What If It Did
  6. I Taught My Best Friend Everything That I Know and He Still Doesn't Know Anything
  7. Financial Insanity Has Its Own Big Following - Including You and Me
  8. Be Happy While You Are Alive Because You Are a Long Time Dead!

For more speechmaking tips - particularly for making Retirement Dinner Speeches - check out The Retirement Speeches Cafe.

Also see Retirement Speeches on The Retirement Cafe


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Funny Speech Topics Book

by Ernie J. Zelinski

Third Top-10 List of Funny Speech Topics

  1. It Is Better to Have a Permanent Income Than to be Fascinating 
  2. Never Let Your Boss Know That You Exist 
  3. Only the Mediocre Are Always at Their Best
  4. Windsurfing Is Very Easy - Except for the Wind 
  5. Being Single Beats Being Married - 10 Times Out of 10!
  6. 7 Reasons Why You Will Fail at . . .
  7. A Career Is a Job That Has Gone On for Too Long 
  8. Have No Fear of Perfection - You Will Never Attain It
  9. You Are Astonishing - How Dare You Waste It!
  10. Hard Work and Real Success - Oil and Water! 

 Interesting Speech Topics Image

Top-10 List of Interesting Speech Topies

1. Why Air Canada Sucks and the Ritz-Carlton Rocks!
2. Health Is the Best Retirement Gift to Give Yourself 
3. Those Who Make the Worst Use of Time Most Complain of Its Shortness
4. True Wealth Has Nothing to Do with Money
5. The Work Ethic Is a Terrible Mistake - A Cute Term Gone Haywire
6. Never Confuse Action with Actual Work
7. A Best Friend Is Much Cheaper than Therapy - and 10 Times As Helpful!
8. The More You Reason, the Less You Create
9. Success Is Simply a Matter of Luck - Just Ask Any Failure
10. If All Men Were Rich, All Men Would Be Poor


Second Top-10 List of Interesting Speech Topics

1. In a Competitive World, Adversity Is Your Ally
2. Humankind Needs Difficulties; They Are Necessary for Personal Growth
3. Real Success Goes to Those Who Obsess
4.  It's the Quality of Your Friends - and Not the Quantity - That Counts!
5. The Best Ideas Come as Jokes
6. In Youth and Beauty Wisdom Is Rare
7. Being a Workaholic Is No Substitute for Great Character
8. When Humor Is Missing, So Is Sanity
9. Praise Loudly; Blame Softly
10. Spend More Money on Your Personal Development than on Your Next Hairstyle


Third Top-10 List of Interesting Speech Topics

1. Good English and Good Writing Have Little to Do with Each Other 
2. If Your House Is on Fire, Warm Yourself by It
3. When Policy Fails, Try Thinking
4. To Be Cool in Season Is Not to Be Cool - Besides, You Are Probably Broke!
5. Never Bet on a Loser Because You Think His Luck Is about to Change
6. If You Consult Enough Experts, You Can Confirm Any Opinion
7. A Bit of Craziness Is Good for Business
8. The Richer Your Friends, the More Money They Will Cost You
9. Winning a Lottery - The Retirement Plan with the Most Bugs to Be Worked Out
10. Well Done Is Much Better than Well Said

Top-10 List of Fun Speech Ideas

1. A Civil Servant Has No Appreciation of Humor
2. Retire Before You Expire - Why Tempt Fate and Die Working?
3. Most Success Costs Too Much
4. No Person Who Is in a Hurry Is Civilized
5. In Politics, Stupidity Is Not a Hindrance
6. Nothing Stinks as Much as a Pile of Unpublished Writing
7. God Cannot Alter History But Historians Can
8. To Work Is Human, To Loaf Divine 
9. Use Your Brain - It's the Little Things That Count
10. Some Aspects of Success Seem Rather Silly as Death Approaches


Second Top-10 List of Fun Speech Ideas

1. How to Be a Failure Without Much Effort
2. Stupidity Is Too Often Beauty's Imperfection
3. One Should Only See a Psychiatrist Out of Boredom
4. Even False Hope Is Better Than None
5. Living in This World Is in Itself a Psychotic Pursuit
6. The Only Essential Civil Servant Drives the Snowplow
7. Don't Interfere with Something That Ain't Bothering You
8. Patience Is Just the Art of Concealing One's Impatience
9. Worry Is About as Useless as a Handle on a Snowball
10. The Best Time to Start Thinking about Your Retirement Is Before Your Boss Does


Third Top-10 List of Fun Speech Ideas

1. Everyone Asks If a Man Is Rich, No One If He Is Good
2. It's Easier to Stay Out of Trouble than to Get Out of Trouble
3. The Greater the Bore, the Greater the Knowledge of Computer
4. The Problem with Infinity Is That There Is So Much of It
5. It's Amazing How Long It Takes to Complete Something That You Are Not Working On
6. Everyone Who Does Not Work Has a Grand Scheme That Does
7. It's the Dead Wood That Holds Up the Tree
8. Teamwork Thought Is Often the Thinking of Fools
9. You Can't Recover from a Problem That You Don't Have
10. Don't Buy Expensive Socks If You Can Never Find Them

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Speechmaking Tips for Making Funny Speeches

Apparently when Winston Churhill was asked how he was able to make the great speeches that he did, he replied, "I would tell myself that I was about to address the largest mass assembly of idiots ever gathered in the history of mankind.

Following are a number of quotes to help you in your speechmaking and the making of workplace presentations.

Quotes That Make Great Speechmaking Tips for Making Fun Speeches and Interesting Speeches

All speech, written or spoken, is a dead language, until it finds a willing and prepared hearer.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot.
- D. H. Lawrence

The best audience is highly intelligent, well-educated, and a little drunk.
- Alben W. Barkley

Speak clearly, if you speak at all;
Carve every word before you let it fall.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Speech is an arrangement of notes that will never be played again.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald

When both a speaker and an audience are confused, the speech is profound.
- Oscar Wilde

The basic rule of human nature is that powerful people speak slowly and subservient people quickly - because if they don't speak fast nobody will listen to them.
- Michael Caine

He is one of those orators of whom it was well said, "Before they get up, they do not know what they are going to say; when they are speaking, they do not know what they are saying; and when they have sat down, they do not know what they have said."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965), English statesman, writer. Speech, 20 Dec. 1912, to the House of Commons, said of naval commander Lord Charles Beresford.

He's a wonderful talker, who has the art of telling you nothing in a great harangue.
- Molière

I do not object to people looking at their watches when I am speaking. But I strongly object when they start shaking them to make certain they are still going.
- Lord Birkett

Let thy speech be short, comprehending much in few words.
- Aprocrypha. Ecclesiasticus 32:8.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.
- Mark Twain

The sanity of the average banquet speaker lasts about two and a half months; at the end of that time he begins to mutter to himself, and calls out in his sleep.
- James Thurber

There may be other reasons for a man's not speaking in publick than want of resolution: he may have nothing to say.
- Samuel Johnson

What orators lack in depth they make up to you in length.
- Baron de Montesquieu

I always have a quotation for everything - it saves original thinking.
- Dorothy L. Sayers

I never let them cough. They wouldn't dare.
- Ethel Barrymore

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but a thousand imbeciles together in the dark - that is critical genius.
- Billy Wilder

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language.
- Mark Twain

There is but one pleasure in life equal to that of being called on to make an after-dinner speech, and that is not being called to make one.
- Charles Dudley Warner

Most people can tire of a lecture in ten minutes; clever people can do it in five. Sensible people never go to lectures at all.
- Stephen Leacock

He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.
- Mark Twain

Don't Adjust Your Mind - There Is a Fault in Reality!
- Graffiti

If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again - a tremendous whack!
- Winston Churchill (advice to a young Prince of Wales on speechmaking)

It was a good thing to have a couple of thousand people all rigid and frozen together, in the palm of one's hand.
- Charles Dickens (referring to reading in public)

I never failed to convince an audience that the best thing they could do was to go away.
- Thomas Love Peacock

Also check out Retirement Sentiments on The Retirement Quotes Cafe and Retirement Wishes and Toasts on the How to Retire Happy Website.

 

COPYRIGHT © 2017 by Ernie J. Zelinski

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Author of The World's Best Retirement Book

Author of The World's Best Retirement Book

All Rights Reserved

 

 

THE WORLD'S BEST RETIREMENT BOOK by Ernie Zelinski

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A BOOK FOR THE RETIRED, UNEMPLOYED, & OVERWORKED

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Home
Cool Reasons to Quit Your Job
Computer Fun at Work
Excuses for the Workplace
Excuses to Skip Work
Fun Things to Do at Work Today
Fun Things for the Soon-to-Be Retired
Top-10 Reasons Why You Should Not Have a Job
Fun at Work Resources
Goodbye Letters for Work
Graffiti about Work
Having a Bad Work Day?
Health and Well-Being in the Workplace
Never Do These Things
Speechmaking Tips for Making Fun Speeches
Top-10 Eclectic Work Principles
Time Management Tips to Outwit Your Boss
Ways to Annoy Co-workers
Ways to Piss Off Your Boss
Why Hard Work Can Kill You
10 Clues to the Meaning of Life and God
Why Workers Look for Fun Things to Do
Workplace and Office Etiquette
Witty Answers to Stupid Questions
Workplace / Office Problems
Workplace / Office Humor
Bosses Day Poems
Zen at Work
Contact

THE CAREER BOOK FOR PEOPLE TOO SMART TOO WORK IN CORPORATIONS

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THE WORLD'S BEST RETIREMENT BOOK by Ernie Zelinski

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OVER 250,000 COPIES SOLD

PUBLISHED IN   9 LANGUAGES

Purchase How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free  online with these direct links:

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and 

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A BOOK FOR THE RETIRED, UNEMPLOYED, & OVERWORKED

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OVER 275,000 COPIES SOLD

PUBLISHED IN 17 LANGUAGES

Purchase The Joy of Not Working on Amazon.com with this direct link:

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