The Fun at Work Café

How to Kill Workplace Boredom Without a Gun

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Think You Are Having a Bad-Work Day or a Bad-Hair Day? 

Bad Day at Work

Your Office/Workplace Problems May Not Be All That Serious

Perhaps today you are having a bad day and feeling sorry for yourself. In this case the following comments may put your bad day in proper perspective. Indeed, these should cheer you up and make you realize what a great day you are having.

 

Having a Bad Work Day

How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter.
- Woody Allen

There are days when it takes all you've got just to keep up with the losers.
- Robert Orben

Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.
- Unknown wise person

If a project is going wrong, always blame one of your colleagues - but not an intelligent one.
- Joep Schrijvers

Swallow a toad in the morning if you want to encounter nothing more disgusting the rest of the day.
- Nicolas Chamfort

A bad workman always blames his tools.
- French proverb

We started off trying to set up a small anarchist community, but people wouldn't obey the rules.
- Alan Bennett

It's a good rule to follow the first law of holes: if you are in one, stop digging.
- Denis Healey

It is always with the best intentions that the worst work is done.
- Oscar Wilde

 

Having a Bad Day in General

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?
 - Ronnie Shakes

I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.
 - Harry Crane for Dean Martin

I am a kind of paraniac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy.
 - J. D. Salinger

Everything I did in my life that was worthwhile I caught hell for.
- Earl Warren

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
- Lily Tomlin

After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone."
- Larry Brown

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action, They rented out my room.
- Woody Allen

I had a boring office job. I cleaned the windows in the envelopes.
- Rita Rudner

A terrible thing happened again last night - nothing.
 - Phyllis Diller

I rely on my personality for birth control.
- Liz Winston.

I probably couldn't play for me. I wouldn't like my attitude.
- John Thompson (Georgetown basketball coach)

I saw the sequel to the movie Clones, and you know what? It was the same movie.
- Jim Samuels

Now that I'm over sixty, I'm veering toward respectability.
- Shelly Winters

In six pages, I can't even say "hello."
- James Michener

She was so wild that when she made French toast she got her tongue caught in the toaster.
 - Rodney Dangerfield

Before we make love, my husband takes a painkiller.
- Joan Rivers

I tried phone sex and it gave me an ear infection.
- Richard Lewis

I slept with a French girl once. It wasn't magical, it wasn't mystical, and it wasn't worth five bucks.
- Tony Morewood

Ever have one of those nights when you didn't want to go out but your hair looked too good to stay home?
- Jack Simmons

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.
- Aaron Machado

I'm so old that bartenders check my pulse instead of my I.D.
- Louise Bowie at 75

Bernard Shaw has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde commmenting on playwright George Bernard Shaw

The only reason so many people showed up at his funeral was to make sure that he was dead.
- Samuel Goldwyn commenting on Louis B Mayer's funeral.

I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.
- S.I. Hayakawa

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- Joan Rivers

If it wasn't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was happening, so I said to her, "What's the matter, can't you think of anybody either?"
- Rodney Dangerfield

I became self-employed and still wound up with a jerk for a boss.
- EZ

It' no fun having a dual personality. I am wiiting an unauthorized autobiography.
- EZ

Take my wife .... please!
- Henny Youngman

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.
- Emo Philips

Have you ever dated someone because you were too lazy to commit suicide?
- Judy Tenuta

My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner

I'm dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.
- Garry Shandling

During sex I fantasize that I am someone else.
- Richard Lewis

I'm a lousy writer; a helluva lot of people have got lousy taste
- Grace Metalious (1924-1964)

I used to be treated like an idiot, now I'm treated like an idiot savant.
- Martin Cruz Smith after his book Gorky Park became a bestseller

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend
- Emo Philips

More of: So You Think You Are Having a Bad Work Day?


I bought a suit with two pairs of pants and I burned a hole in the jacket.

Things are looking up. I joined a bridge club. I get to jump off on Thursday.

When I was a kid I was so obnoxious, my mother used to borrow another baby to take to church.

I have never been to a restaurant without trays.

My idea of a wild Saturday night is going for a ride on the ring bus and then hanging around the 24-hour laudromat for two or three hours.

I am addicted to boredom

I am also addicted to placebos.

I tried phone sex and wound up with an ear infection.

When I was young, all my friends were imaginary but they didn't think that I existed.

I went out with a woman so fat that I had to roll over two times just to get off the top of her.

Yesterday my ship came in but I was at the bus depot.

Opportunity was knocking at my door, but I wasn't home.

I get less respect than Rodney Dangerfield and Rodney doesn't get any.

I was so low that I had to stand on my tiptoes to reach bottom.

I bought some batteries the other day. When I got home I found they weren't included.

I was so obnoxious when I was young that my mother used to borrow someone else's kid to take to church.

I like to reminsce about things I haven't done.

My brother has more problems than a math book.

Hypochondria is about the only disease that I don't have.

I wake up at night asking myself questions such as:
What's another word for thesaurus?
Why is a duck when it flies.

I wrote a book and my publisher printed the copies on steel pages. Once you put it down, you can't pick it up again.

I used to be a masochist but I had to give it up because I was enjoying myself too much.

My IQ is in the low two digits. I intend to have a big celebration if it ever reaches 50.

I AM SO UNLUCKY THAT I EVEN GET CAUGHT WRITING ON TOILET WA....
- Grafitti

I'm ambinoxious - left and night.

 

You Can Never Have as Many Bad Days as Steven Wright

  • I am keeping a journal about how I write in my diary every day.
  • I got addicted to placebos.
  • I like to go into the Doctor's waiting room and just wait for nothing to happen.
  • I bought one walkie talkie because I don't want others to hear what I am saying.
  • Curiousity killed the cat - but for a while I was a suspect.
  • Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates. When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?"

COPYRIGHT © 2017 by Ernie J. Zelinski

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Author of The World's Best Retirement Book
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Home
Cool Reasons to Quit Your Job
Computer Fun at Work
Excuses for the Workplace
Excuses to Skip Work
Fun Things to Do at Work Today
Fun Things for the Soon-to-Be Retired
Top-10 Reasons Why You Should Not Have a Job
Fun at Work Resources
Goodbye Letters for Work
Graffiti about Work
Having a Bad Work Day?
Health and Well-Being in the Workplace
Never Do These Things
Speechmaking Tips for Making Fun Speeches
Top-10 Eclectic Work Principles
Time Management Tips to Outwit Your Boss
Ways to Annoy Co-workers
Ways to Piss Off Your Boss
Why Hard Work Can Kill You
10 Clues to the Meaning of Life and God
Why Workers Look for Fun Things to Do
Workplace and Office Etiquette
Witty Answers to Stupid Questions
Workplace / Office Problems
Workplace / Office Humor
Bosses Day Poems
Zen at Work
Contact

THE CAREER BOOK FOR PEOPLE TOO SMART TOO WORK IN CORPORATIONS

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Purchase Career Success Without a Real Job online through these links:

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and 

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THE WORLD'S BEST RETIREMENT BOOK by Ernie Zelinski

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OVER 250,000 COPIES SOLD

PUBLISHED IN   9 LANGUAGES

Purchase How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free  online with these direct links:

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and 

How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free on B&N.com

 

 

A BOOK FOR THE RETIRED, UNEMPLOYED, & OVERWORKED

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OVER 275,000 COPIES SOLD

PUBLISHED IN 17 LANGUAGES

Purchase The Joy of Not Working on Amazon.com with this direct link:

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